I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize