tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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