Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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