Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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