I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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