The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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