listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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