Tell her she can't have a vagina
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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