This is not my ceiling
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize