ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
the raccoons are back...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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