hotel room ftw
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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