well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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