Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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