Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
