I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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