U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
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Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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