did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize