Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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