I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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