Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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