I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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