the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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