i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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