Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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