can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize