My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize