I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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