My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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