12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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