didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize