I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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