Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
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