I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize