You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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