I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize