im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize