imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize