Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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