So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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