U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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