Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize