Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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