im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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