i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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