Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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