He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
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