I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
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After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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