I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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