One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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