I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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